Monday, November 30, 2015
Journal Question #7
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How do you choose a friend? Do you speak the same language? Do you come from the same place? Do you have the same interests or believe in the same ideas? How do you know when someone isn't a friend? Do you choose not to be friends with some people for some of the above reasons (different language, place, interests, beliefs)? How easily can a friend become not a friend? How does that happen?
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About Me
- TGriffin
- I have been a language teacher (ESL/ELL, French) for 30 years. I have taught in public and private schools, immersion programs, refugee programs, adult/continuing education, elementary, middle, and high school as well as university. Currently I teach ELL at a high school somewhere in New England.
I used to have a good relationship with my roommate Mark Zhang. In 2013, I met him on
ReplyDeletethe first day I stayed in TA. I heard from the other dorm friends that he is a master of martial art.
At first I thought him was a silent and boring boy but that changed very soon.
I was talking with my mom through cellphone when it's almost midnight. I was shouting
like a mad dog and being annoying for half an hour. Suddenly, I saw Mark standing behind me but he didn't say anything. I finished my talk quickly and then I was trying to explain the reason. However Mark spoke first. "I was talking a shower while you were yowling like a Rock and Roll singer. What's happening?" "My mom was questioning my academic grade and I don't want she to keep blaming me for no reason. I just want to release my anger." "But your actions made others angry as well. Isn't it?" I couldn't reply him anymore. I knew I made a big mistake. I was waiting his complaints but he just said:"Everyone has their own troubles so don't make others have trouble with you. And it's time for the bed. Get back to our room."
I was really thankful to him at that night. After that, we became the best friends.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteGenerally I have a shy personality so, it is hard to choose a friend for me. First I always make observation about people and then I started to talk them. Of course speaking the same language is very important or come from the same country because it is more easy to communicate to a person. For example I have lots of friends from other nationalities and sometimes we had problems to communicate because we have different cultures but its not a big deal. Also I think that I have lots of fake friends because some of my "friends" never show their feelings about me. They just write me or talk me, when they have a benefits. This is not a real friendship and I try to decide that not to be friends with these people. Finally, if some of my friends make a bad thing for me for example, last year one of my best friend speak behind me and tells some lies about me and I learn it then I stopped talk with him and he is not my friend anymore. That's why it is very easy to become a not friend.
ReplyDeletefrom Charles:
ReplyDeleteI like to make friends with other language people, but I think friends have a lot of things to talk. I am from China where the culture is different from America and Europe and we speak different languages, so it is hard to communicate with each other. And I don't think there are something that can break friendship very easy, if the relationship broke because of some small thing, I think it's not the real friends.
Oliver He
ReplyDeleteGood friends are very important in our life. Everyone needs them. So do I. In my opinion, it doesn't matter where they come from. But they should be kind, friendly, sincere and diligent. When I am in trouble, they will stand by me, give me a hand and not leave me alone. As we all know, a friend in need is a friend indeed. He should be very generous too so that we can share our happiness, sorrows or food freely! Good friends should also be honest people, who can open heart to others and never refuse to acknowledge their shortcomings. If we have some same interests, that will be awesome! In this way, we can attract each other and learn from each other. But these are the people that I will not make friends with them. The first one is that he is so dirty and doesn't love cleaning himself. The second one is that he is not hardworking enough and always thinking about playing. The most important one is that he is a liar. He always tells lies or talks about someone behind someone's back. If I get along with these types of people, I will feel very uncomfortable and not safe.
I think the first condition for I choose a friend is the person's character.A good person should have a nice character.At least the friend follow or help you instead of harm you.When you stay in a place with your good friends,you will feel very comfortable instead not at ease.When you get in trouble,good friends will lend me a helping hand.So the character is most important thing when you choose a friend in my mind.We speak same language and come from a same country.We always have the same interests or believe in the same idea.I think if the guys aren't your friends,they don't want you become better.Even let you become worse than before.And when you get in trouble,they will not help you.But when they get in trouble,they will ask you for help.I think these people aren't your friends.If you want a friend become not a friend.Yeah,that's easy enough.Do many things they hate,they will leave you and say never see you to you.
ReplyDeleteI have lots of friends from all around the world. But if you are going to ask how close they are, it depends. And i think you can be close friends with a person who is from another country. But for me, cultures should be similar. Because I am feeling more comfortable when a person who I am talking thinks same things as me. Religion is not about that. It is not important for me. But my friend should be trustworthy. Trust is the most important thing for me. A friend can be a not friend easily if he or she tells lie. It is not necessary to talk same languages with a close friend. If you can understand each other, it is enough.
ReplyDeleteGood relationship builds on your friends and yourself. In my opinions, it is not a problem that people from different countries or have different beliefs. I don't just make Chinese friends I also have some friends from other countries. I usually make friends who has the same classes with me. We can meet and talk everyday so we will become closer and become friends. I also make friends with people who is nice, kind, funny and respectful. If a friend has similar hobbies or from same place with me that will be great! I usually talk to people first and to know what kind of people that they are. If they are nice I will make friends with them. It is very important that you have a good relationship with your friends. If you have problems with your friends. If your friend is very close to you, and both of you know about each other. You will understand each other and the relationship doesn't easy to broke up. I still have good relationship with my middle school friends. When I go back to China, I always find them and play together. Having good friends is very important to everyone. It is not just chatting with friends. Good friends will help you when you are in trouble and help you solve problems. If you have more friends, you will have more treasure.
ReplyDeleteI usually meet friends randomly so I cant say that I choose friends.My friends are in two groups one of them are friends with same interests and same opinions and the second group are completely different people but still we can be friends!For me it doesn't matter if my friend is good looking or something like that for me it is the most important if that person is nice to me and have the things to talk about with him.I dont have so many friends I know so many people but just a few of them are my true friends.I can trust them in every single way and they can trust me.We dont lie to one each other and that is the most important.I used to have some friends who are not my friends anymore and it is usually just because I lost the trust in them.With me it is hard because it takes a long time to build relationship with me where I can trust you.But if you are successful this friendship will last forever.
ReplyDeleteFirst when I choose my friends, he must a honest person. I don't have racism, so I’m not worry about where is my friends from. I have a lots of friends from the other countries, sometimes speaking same language are easy to make friends. Every honest people is my friends. Some people and me have same interests, that's called intimate friend. When really in trouble, he will try his best to help you, if he is your intimate friend. I feel very relaxed when I talk to my intimate friend. Some people are not worth me to associate with them like dogs are not associate with cats. I don't prefer make friend with someone always lies to people. If my best friend change his character terribly, I will think we won't be friends anymore because I really sick of that kind of people.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteEach time people ask me what is my standard of choosing friends I will be in an embarrassing circumstance. To be honest, I don't know what is true friend because I personally think in different environments the standard of choosing friends should change depends on what are the functions of friends in that environment.
ReplyDeleteWhen I am in the campus, friends for me are the people who can study with you. No matter what kind of people they are, the only thing I look for is that they are able to help me to improve my grades.
But if I am out of the campus, I have two standards of choosing friends. First, honesty is the head thing I look for when I am choosing friends. I am sure that most of people's standard of choosing friends is that because being friends with an honest person can avoid lots of problems and arguments so that it's much easier to maintain this friendship. Secondly, I won't make friends with the people who are so harsh. For me, the main function of the friends out of campus is helping me to relax and have fun with them. Although I know that sentences that hurt me are what help me to grow up, harsh language is so easy to hurt other people. Normally, this kind of people can't realize their language will hurt others because this is the way that they are used to speaking. I used to finish a five-year- friendship because of my friend's sarcastic way of speaking and that is also one of the reasons that why I refuse to make friends with harsh people when I am out of the campus.
I choose a friend by different ways. I have shared all my life with some of my friends and I have met others in summer camps, new schools or just because they are friends of my friends. If I see that my probably future friend has similar tastes of that I fit with him/her I start talking to him or they start talking to me. Not all my friends speak my language. I said before, that I make friends in international summer camps and there go many kids from all over the world. If I meet them and I like them , they become my friend even if I have to talk and think in other languages I know. That is why I started learning new languages, to communicate with others. My international friends are from Kazakhstan, Brazil, Colombia, Italy, Russia, France... I know when someone is not my friend when that person fail me, or just say fake facts about me, or tell my secrets. I don't care about their beliefs, place or their language ;but I care about interests. I couldn't have a good relationship with them if they are totally my opposite side.
ReplyDeleteFor me to have friends it's very important. I have friends from all around the world. My best friend live in Ukraine, we meet each other in 2 grade. Now our Families become friends too. I'm really happy about it. We always in trouble, troublemakers. I really trust him and I hope he trust me. We been in a lot of situations together. Because we are best friends!
ReplyDeleteI don't really think that there is a way to choose a friend. You become friends with someone, with time where you get to knew him or her better and what her or his qualities are, and how that can help me to become a better person. Before coming to TA I had international friends, some of them wher from Germany. No, all my friend do not came from all around the world, all of them, but the majority yes. I have friends from different religions like Muslim.. When he or she do not respect me or do things that show that is not a good friend or I should not trust on. No, as I said before I have friend that speak different languages and are from different religions with different believes.
ReplyDeleteI love to meet new people and friends. I think without really good friends life is going to be boring. Especially when I came here at TA I met so amazing people. What is cool and interesting that many people have another religion, culture and different things. It makes me excited.Sometimes is really hard to understand someone, because they were bringing up in another culture and place. I don't care if you are black, white, skinny, fat whatever. I always be nice to you if you will be nice to me. I really love when we can speak in other languages. I am so excited to meet people from another parts of the world. I think I am really sympathetic and respectful for people. I know it's sometimes hard to understand when we have some problem or argument,but We could master that.
ReplyDeleteI hate when someone lie to me. It's the worse thing what you can do towards me. I met many fake friends in my life, but through time you will know who is really here for you and who cares about you!!!! I love all my friends and appreciate them so much!
ReplyDeleteFor me I don't have standards to choose friend, we don't have to speak same language, we can use our second language. I like communicate with our country people, so we are from different places, also I like make friends with Chinese. I like to ask different people for different languages.For example, if I meet my friends, I use their language to say HI or How are you, I think it's so sweet. I think the same interests is really important between friendship, we don't have to believe same, different countries have different cultures. If someone don't respect me, we are isn't friend, if he do some bad thing, like kill a people, of course we isn't friend. I think if someone don't like to talk with me, he don't think we are friends. With my friends, I like do sports with them,and play games together, also study help each other to improve grades. Being my friend is so easy.
Making friends is a important thing in my whole life. Friends provide different opinion and suggestions. I can hung out with my friends and solve academic problems with them. But some people who meet me every day and have different life are not my friend. Even we study and eat together but we have different way to treat people. I only make friends who are friendly respectful and positive.
ReplyDeleteI have three kinds of friends. First of them are playmates. We only having fun together but we don't discuss any problem or helping each other. If I have any problem they won’t do their best to help me. Secondly, I only study with them. That's the only reason we met together for solving problems. Thirdly, I having fun with them and we study together. The third one are my best friends.
I usually do not choose my friends. I don't have a way to choose friends. I think that you make friends when you meet new people. You start knowing them better and having more confidence, and you turn into a good relationship or maybe not. I have some friends from London but most of my friends are from Spain.I was not so used to have friend that speak other languages till I came to TA. I think that the language is not a problem to choose friends but you have to speak some language that both of you know. I think that is good to have friends with different interests and believes because you can learn new things. I know that someone is not a good friend when they try to hurt you and when you can't trust them. I do not think that is important to have a friend with the same believes or that speak the same language is good to have every type of friends except bad persons. I friend became not a friend when they betray you. For example, if you tell your friend a secret and she or he tells your secret to everyone you can't trust that friend.
ReplyDeleteI used to choose a friends who is my deskmate. Now, my good friend is my roommate at TA because we live together,hand out together. She is Chinese, so I speak the same language of course. She is from in the middle of China, and I come from the south of China. I think we have similar idea, and we have the same interesting, but not all of the same. Now, we are learning how to play ukelele because we are interesting in playing ukelele. When I know some people always say something rude, I know that person is not my friends. I don’t care choose a friend who comes from different places or speaks different language, has different belief, has different interests. I think it is easy from friend become not a friend. For example, I had a friend in the middle school. We did not get in touch enough, so I almost forget her. I think distance and time are the major reason that we forget each other.
ReplyDeleteI choose friends by feeling. I choose not to be friends with some people for his worst traits. I always get to know new people from my friends. He could be my friends' friends or classmates. My best friend at TA is Sarah. We speak the same language and come from the same country. Actually, we both come from the south part of China. Our dialects are similar because our hometowns are close. From my hometown to her hometown Shanghai just three hours by train. We have the same interests, such as singing, eating and sleeping.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, a friend become not a friend easily when we don't trust each other.
ELL Journal
ReplyDeleteFrom my perspective, good friends are very important in our life and they always help us. I not only make friends who just speak Chinese, but also I make friends who come from different countries. I can speak English to communicate with other friends and improve my English skills. I had a very good friend when I was in the middle school. He is very kind and honest. We also have some the same interests. We always play basketball together after school. When I have some troubles, he always tries to console me and encourages me to help me to solve them. I have three standards of choosing friends. First, I believe that it is essential for friends to be honest. I really hate my friends who cheat me. Let me feel sad and I cannot trust them. In addition, I don’t choose some friends who always show off what he has. I think that they are very hypocritical. I don’t care that he is rich. Sometimes, finally, some friends want to gossip about me. They also say some bad words in the back. I will feel lonely and upset. What is a real friend? A real friend is like the warm coat. When I get cold, I can wear it to make me warmth.
Jack Zhao
ReplyDeleteELL 2
ELL Journal
Mr. Griffin
December 12, 2015
I think I have too many acquaintances, but I just have some friends. I'd like to make friends who I can trust and share secrets with him. I study in the United States, so it doesn't matter what kind of first language that he spoke, but at least we can use English to communicate. I think if my friends have the same interests as me it is the best because we can do the same things together like playing my video games and basketball. When I see a person who has bad qualities, I choose to not be friends with him. For example, if a person treats his mother disrespectfully, he is not a friend for me. I also don't choose friends who speak different languages with me, because we can't communicate and communication is the most important thing to become friends. I think is hard to break off the relationship with my friends. Last year, one of my friends said something that wasn't the truth. He and I had a quiz in math class, but my score was better than his, then he told the teacher that I was cheating during the quiz. After that, he apologized to me and we're still good friends. I never broke off the friendship with my friends before.
I don't really care my friend speak same language with me or we from same country. When I see a people. If I want be friend with him or her. The first thing I do just go talk to this people. When I getting know more about this person. I know we have same hobby same hobby, or he is good, bad friendly, mean person. If I still like this person, I keep going. Let's be brother. If I don't', I just go easy on it. I don't really like to talk to some mean person, or some person who think he is higher then other people. I just don't like them. It's really easy to let friend become not friend, if you really want to. For the normal way two friend start disturb each other first, and nobody want say sorry. They level just keep growing. Then the relationship between this two friend it's over.
ReplyDeleteI think friendship is very important. I don't have some ways about choosing friend. My friends always speak the same language because my English is not very good. I don't think my friends all come from the same place. It is interesting to meet people from other places. My friends and I have same interests. We all like games and sports. However, I don't choose friends because these reasons. I will make friends with people that are nice. If a friend lies to me a lot, I will not be friendly to him anymore. I don't like people lie to me.
ReplyDeleteFor me, first you have to pay sincerely to ask someone to also sincerely to you and I do not care what is your language or where are you from. I’ll make a friends who is a good character, for instance, we must learn to listen each other and don’t interrupt others speaks and I will remember him or her name, next time I can easily call his or her names, they think you are good person, this is important. Friends don’t have to be much, but fine. When you have sick, they will take care of you or in a bad mood, they can comfort you. That is good friends.
ReplyDeleteI think there is two type of friends. First type of friend is that they are in my class or in same place with me. So that is the reason why we are being a friends. in this type I don’t have to make relationship, relationship is creating automatically. Second type of Friend is that they could share same topic with me even if they are not a similar age with me. in this type if I notice the age of friends and it’s to different, It is hard to taking like similar age’s friends. I think on both type of friends, the language and race is not the problem.
ReplyDeleteI like to make friends. I think it is really important exprence for my life. I don't care about different language and religion. If someone wants to be my friend with me, I will really happy to do it. But I have many friends that speak same language. I think it is really easy to communicate than people who speak different language. For example, I say something really funny by Chinese, but when I say same thing to American by English, they might don't think it is funny. Actually I don't know the reasons, I think it might be the different language or religion. I don't usually talk with someone who never talk with me, but if that person have same interests with me, I usually talk with him first. I really like to make friends who have same interests with me. And if I don't want to be friend with someone anymore. I will not tell him that I don't want to be friend with him. I think the easiest thing for it just stay away from him.
ReplyDeleteFriends are group of people who I can talk to in school. They are part of my life. My friends speak all different kinds of language because they come all over the world. However, I won't care all the friends the same. My best friend in TA right now is Steven and Jack. We do speak same kind of language but we came from different parts of China. We have the same interest and do things together. They are the people I care the most except my family. They are also my best support in school. We have our own goals and we are working on it. I would call all the people I know as a friend. I maybe don't talk with people who I don't like at all as often as others. But still call them friends, just because I don't want to become enemy with them.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, I like to choose a friend that we have same topic or same sports. I like playing tennis, so I have a lot of friends when I am practicing or playing a match. When I was in China, we speak same language that is Chinese. However, when I arrive here, I have a lot of friends that their mother language not Chinese, but we have a common language that is English. For me, when I feel he or she is not my friend, they are not a friend anymore. Cause, if someone wrong between us or something bad happen between us, I will not let him or her become my friend. I will not have any rule about how a stranger become a friend. If we have same topic, we can become friend. How can a friend become not a friend? This is a good question. However, I don’t know how to answer this question, cause I don’t know how can a friend become not a friend, even a eyesight, can let our relationship change. So, I don’t know how to answer this question .
ReplyDeleteThe most of my friends have the same hobbies as I have, couple examples are playing basketball and listening the same types of music. All of my friends don't speak the same language,. My friends could from any country besides Japan. People don't are scornful of Japanese is a conmen situation in China. There is also a kind of people who can't be my friends, the people who show off themselves too much. Friends are important but we need to pick friends who is faithful and fitful.
ReplyDeleteI like to meet new people. It's very interesting to learn new cultures. To see how people different in different countries or different cites. Of cours all my friends in Ukraine speak same language as me, but international camps gave me chose to meet people all over the world. Some people can be scared to talk with people who are not from same country, they thighs they have different believes so they won't understand each other. I'm not afraid of this. It's really exciting to have friend all over the world. Almost in all countries I have friend. When I'm in a new place I try to find people who speaks same language as me but when I start to try make friends with others. One think that I don't like in people it's lying. If person will lie to me I won't be friend with this person because I won't trust him. I love to speak to new pep,e and go to different places to met them.
ReplyDeleteThanks, everyone, for your comments. Most of you point to trust as a very important ingredient to friendship - if your friend lies to you, she is no longer a friend. You make friends according to feeling, similar interests, proximity, or by accident, and most of you say you can make friends with people from different countries, with different beliefs, and speaking different languages.
ReplyDeleteI do not have many friends, but each of my friends is so closed to me. We always call bad friends to each other because we often speak sarcastically or ironically and laugh at each other. However, whatever we say to each other, both of us will forget one day after and if I get in trouble, they are always on my side.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I don't really care about if we come from the same place, have same language or have believe in the same ideas. The only important thing is if I want to be friends with you. If I want to be friends with you, we are always have something to talk. If not, it will be useless to talk. Well, how can I decide that? Actually, there is not a real method. I just observe in life and think if that person can be a friend to me. If I like you, I will be friendly with you forwardly. If not, I would say sorry.
Friends are the people who companion with your part of lives, it's so important to choose a right friend. My principle is putting quality before quantity.
For me its always important to have a good friends. I talk to many people, but only few i can call my friends. For me friend its like a brother or sister. It doesn't matter for me what nation or what language my friend is speak. Usually when i choose friends first i look at personality. I need to be sure that my friend will help me when i will need help. I choose friends by acts which characterize them. The majority of my friends are back home because most of my life i spend in Kazakhstan. Best of my friends back home are from my last hockey team, maybe because for me team is like a family. In my personal experience i lose many friends when i had move to U.S. because of time and distance and i just cant spend for them.
ReplyDeleteMost of my friends are my schoolmates. Because we can see each other everyday and have a talk. I like my friends and me have a same interests even they don't. But I will tell them to have a try like sports, games and songs. When I was in middle school. All of my friends like to play basketball. We play together everyday. We also play video games which is named league of legend. We had so much fun. Now I'm in U.S. I can get along with any people from all over the world. We have more conversations. Not at all like in middle school. I think I can make more friends in the future.
ReplyDelete